She pushed away from him, red glaring from her eyes, candlelight flickering off her cold skin. You left, she said. You know what you did, what you were doing. Tears flowed from her eyes, salt rivers of heartache and want. Oh, how she wanted him to kiss her again.
He stared at her, the confidence leaving him, helplessness overtaking him. He tried to touch her face again, reaching out with a calloused hand, slightly dirty from not having showered for hours. She shoved his hand away, tension rising from her feet to her shoulders like heat off the desert floor. Heartbreak pulsed through her body as her heart beat faster, not quite sure how to respond.
I didn’t leave, he grumbled, putting his fingers through his hair in a rough manner. He was impatient, startled by the temper that was coming off the woman in front of him.
What would you call it then? You were gone. From me, she snarled, anger tipping into her words. She put her hands to her face, attempting to reign in the fear that threatened to overtake her. She sat on her ottoman, elbows to her knees, soft hair falling around her face.
I had to leave. You knew that going in, he said, softly. He shook his head, frustrated the conversation had taken this turn. She looked at him with such wide, innocent eyes that he almost fell to his knees, she was so beautiful. Cheeks flushed with anger and chill, she looked almost ethereal.
I thought… she began, unable to finish, liquid crystals falling from her eyes in a steady stream now.
You thought what? That I would stop everything I had, my life, because of you? His anger replaced the helplessness, unrightfully so, but he couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, it hadn’t been his plan at all.
No. No. That’s not it, at all. I understand all that. But, I thought that you and I…that we had… She couldn’t finish, just looking at him with all the world resting on her shoulders. You left! she yelled, defeated.
I didn’t leave! I needed time. I’m here, aren’t I? Waiting for you, wasn’t I? he snapped back. She backed away from him, up against the door she had just moments ago come running through, letting her arms fall to her sides, her breathing heavy and aching.
He grimaced as he remembered the wrenching that driving away had done to his heart. But he had to leave her to know what it was that he was leaving, even just for the moment that he did. Didn’t he? He wasn’t so sure now. How could he tell her that, how could she understand that? He looked into her face, watching her heart turn to stone. He was going to lose her, because he never should have left her. He knew that now. Oh, how he knew that now.
I didn’t know… He began, trying to figure out how to get through to her. I left because…
He couldn’t do it. He didn’t have the courage. He fell to the ground, on his knees, and sat back on his heels. His hands lay open on his thighs, his shoulders slumped forward. He looked up at her, his heart dropping even more when he saw she hadn’t moved from the door. He watched as she turned her back on him, her hand on the brass doorknob, her forehead leaning against it.
You left me. And now. I’m leaving, she said, so quietly he had to lean forward on his thighs to hear her.
Please, he whispered. Please, don’t leave.
Her back still to him, forehead still on the door frame, hand turning the knob, she answered, Why should I stay?
Because I love you.
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