Looking at you was like watching the sunrise everything coming alive and living again
I remember the first time I saw you. Do you remember? And I remember thinking who is that
i do not know what it is about you
that pulls me in
and i can not let go
like i forgot to breathe
forgot that i am alive
until i see you again
maybe it is because i am different
like nothing you have ever seen
or that i do not care
who you are
what you do
you are life and you live life
because you only have one
i am broken
and you know that
and maybe it is because
you do not care that i am broken inside
or what is broken inside
that i am damaged goods
you wear your emotions on your sleeve
you are uncontrolled chaos
though you want to be controlled
but when the world can see what you are feeling
you are at a disadvantage
and because of that
not as strong as you could be
will not let yourself be vulnerable
you will not let go
you fear vulnerability
You try too hard to be different. You try too hard to be and prove what you are inside. But you don't know who you are inside. And you do? Tell me who I am. Tell me what I am. If you know so well then tell me. It all comes back to vulnerability. It comes down to letting go and seeing what's in front of you.
You have a cold heart. You keep things from warming your life.
it hurts inside when i think of these things
the words and the music strangle my heart
because i know they to be true
i know that life is true
and that this pain i feel because of you
is real
how can i express it?
it is a negative thought
and makes me angry
and frustrated like i can not control anything
uncontrolled chaos, isn't that what this is?
the very definition of this emotion
You can't be afraid to be polarizing and have different opinions. Fuck all the other noise. Make your stand because you're doing everything you can to make sure that the people around you are safe, are alive, and are thriving, speak up, shout aloud. That's what you want me to do, so then I will shout aloud my love for you. But it isn't love is it? A game perhaps that we play because we can. Because we're so uncertain of everyone and everything even though you have control and I do not.
I remember once a long while back feeling this way through the use of words. Now it's through the use of words. They seduce me. Sedition at its best. I stand confused and at the crossroads that overtake my life. What do I choose? How do I choose? Because you have choices as well but then again your choices are different. Would you ever leave that which you know, what you've only ever know? That dark person that stays secret from everyone, that person that you let loose once in a great while. Is that truly you? Would you ever show that to me?
What would life be like if I had you. What would my life be like if I'd never known you. Do you think about that too?
i can feel it surrounding my heart
it is breaking, shattering
and i will lose yet another piece
because that is what happens
when i go through this pain
my heart is never put back whole again
i am never whole again
the minutes go by and i stare
the days go by and i cry
the years go by and i breathe can again
but i never forgot
to forget this pain means to forget you
every time this happens
i have to make a choice
and find out what is driving me
towards this light that i see
though i do not think it is light
that i see in you
a deep and destructive sense that you are
this darkness
because if it is
then i choose you
you said as much as it is
but i do not know if i believe it
or what is it to believe you
to believe in what you say is truth
is that vulnerability?
You asked me what I wanted. I don't know how to respond to that question. I want someone who loves me who wants to want me who wants likes who I am deep inside..
with all the darkness
and the rage
and broken pieces just laying about
because they can't be fixed
they are all part of my life
the jigsaw puzzle
and some of the pieces are missing
maybe they were taken
how do you live with that
knowing that you can not fix me
how do i live with that
knowing that i cannot be fixed
She took my heart, I think she took my soul.
what is it that i feel right now
uncomfortable
looking at you with a tiny sliver of doubt
for our lives ahead
or any life ahead
that means having to make choices
is this what it means to be vulnerable?
to be alive?
with you?
I hear the music of sadness flow through my heart like lava cuts through the forest. The eruption is quite like what I'm familiar with though that don't make the pain any less.
it is happening again
i can feel the change from within
the new memory bringing the old ones to surface
do you know what that is like?
to be immortalized into someone's heart
not in control of what happens
to the pieces you leave behind
are you ever going to come and get them?
do you want them back?
because i cannot do that as much as i may want to
when i think about the things
you have done to me
you undo me.
And I don't know how to feel about that. I don't know how to feel about any of it.
