Monday, September 3, 2012

She walked around her castle

She walked around her castle, shivering, it was cold tonight. She could see her breath hang in the air, little
silver clouds hanging still where she breathed. The night was still, no wind, no rain, not a single white
against the night’s blackest black. No sound, not even from the surrounding words, except for the soft
clicking of her footsteps against the cold stone steps.

She ached from sitting on the tower’s roof, holding still, watching on the clear night for the dangers that
surround her realm. Few knew she stood up there as she did, though they feared to follow, if they had
been given the chance. They had heard her stories from the townsfolk that lay just beyond her gates, but
as she walked back to her room, they said little for they were safe because of her.

She opened the heavy wooden door to her room, exhausted and hurt, collapsing onto the floor. She hit
the ground with a dull thud, hardly paying attention to anything around her but the firelight dancing on
the darkened walls, the drapes of her bed. She rolled onto her side, with an enormous effort, holding
herself in an awkward angle. She couldn’t hold back her screams anymore, letting go one that might have
awoken the nearest village. Except no sounds came from her throat, though it ached as it stretched. A
second dull thud, softer and less heavy came from her shoulders. She lifted herself into a sitting position,
her back aching from the unusual sitting position.

She hung her head forward and opened her wings. They moved with a hesitation of pain laced in every
muscle. She felt a wetness drape down her back and pool around her thighs. She touched it, half aware
of her blood that was now dripping her from fingertips. Sparkles, shimmers played with each other in the
deep red, the firelight making them dance. Tiny diamonds sang their song as she watched, trying to ignore
the pulsing that beat inside her chest. She made to stand, faltering with the second step, almost falling
onto the cold stone floor again. She steadied herself, holding dance on her feet, sore from the climb up the
tower. She undressed herself, moving closer to the fire for its tongues of warmth, licking her skin, basking
in the low glow. She stood naked, a hand against the mantle, leaning half her weight, balancing the weight
of her wings behind her. She sighed and a great flap of wind rang around the room.

A quiet footstep came by from the window. She could only see black boots, the tip of a sword. Her
strength too drained, she continued to gaze into the fire. Tears seeped down her chilled cheeks, dripping
onto the floor by her feet.

A low whisper came from the black boot. “Why do you cry?”

She laughed, in spite of herself, wondering how she could possibly answer such a question. “Perhaps
these are tears of joy, for my realm is safe tonight.”

The black boots took a few steps forward, asking again, “Why do you cry?”

Her heart skipped a beat, anger tearing into her mind, her wings folding against her back, fading into their
place, as if they never existed.

The low whisper came again. “Why have you hidden them from me?”

She gave a great sigh, placing her chin on the arm that was held out against the mantle, staring out at her
nighttime visitor. “And what would you have done if you had known?”

She had not meant it with such forcefulness, but perhaps it was better that way. But she still could not see
his face, though she saw a flicker of movement as his hand went to the hilt of his sword.

“I cannot protect that which I do not know,” he said quietly, though there was no mistaking the anger.

She continued to look out, though her gaze went past him. “No, that is true. You cannot.”

He walked into the fire light, she noticed the grief on his lined face, the unmistakable anger in the
clenched jaw muscles that bulged just below his cheekbones. His eyes burned bright, hurt and love
fighting for their rightful place. “No. I cannot,” he whispered. “I was sworn to protect you, all of you.”

“I did not ask it of you,” she replied back, her voice thick with emotion, knowing where this was going to
go.

“Ask? No. You did not ask for my protection. But that is not the point,” he whispered back. His voice was
barely higher than a breeze, but the fierceness was palpable.

She looked away. “I did not make you choose this path. I did not make you swear an oath.”

“But I did, didn’t I?” he said. “And I cannot hold to my oath if I don’t know what I’m protecting.”

She looked at him, her gaze still and glazed. “I am the guardian of this realm, and all those who seek my
help.”

He shook his head impatiently. “Yes, I am aware that this is your castle. And that these are your people.
That isn’t the point.”

“Isn’t it, though?” she shot back, anger and frustration welling up in her throat. “They require me, my
guard, and I give them what they do not have.”

“I am not sworn to protect them. Only you. And that means knowing how to do so, in every way,” he
replied, calmer than she expected. His patience only made her more angry.

“I did not ask it of you,” she said. She turned her head away from his, breathing heavy to steady her mind.

He took a few more footsteps until he was at her side. He lifted a gloved hand, placing it on one of her
wings, softly, gently.

“Don’t,” she whispered.

“Do they hurt?” he asked quietly.

“All the time. They are heavy, and bearing their weight, can take its toll. But it is all right.” She gave him
a weak smile.

“Is it?” he asked, his brows furrowing at he noticed the wetness on the undersides, the glistening of red
diamonds reflecting the dancing flames. “Why choose this?”

“It is not a choice,” she sighed. “It is what I am meant to do. It matters not how I do it, just so long as they
are safe.”

“At what cost?” He held up his gloved finger tips, touching them to her shoulders, her arms, tracing thick
lines of blood that contrasted with her white skin. “You are warm,” he said, as an afterthought, “I can feel
your body’s heat through my gloves.”

“It is the fire. It gives me life,” she smiled, for the first time in the night.

“And you give me mine. And I would’ve sworn the oath even if it wasn’t given to me. I would’ve found a
way.”

“Inside my castle? Yes, I imagine you would have,” she said, a bitter smile remaining on her flushed
lips. “And what would you like from me?” Though, she was sure she knew the answer.

“All of you. But I cannot protect you if you don’t let me.”

“This is my castle, it falls to me to protect it and those who need its protection,” she snapped.

“It is not the castle I have sworn to protect. Only you. And I cannot do that unless you open your wings
for me to see.”

She gave a great shudder, wary and fearful. “And what would you do?” She looked back into his eyes,
solid walls keeping her heart from him.

He walked behind her, his rough gloves lightly touching her belly, pressing himself against her back,
feeling the pressure. He put his head on her shoulder, his lips close to her neck.

“Everything I know how,” he whispered.